The Great Egg-Demic: Government Proposes 15% Tax on Fried Eggs to Combat Housing Crisis

In what experts are calling "a bold yet baffling move," the UK government has announced plans to introduce a 15% luxury tax on fried eggs as part of its latest attempt to combat the housing crisis. According to an unnamed source from inside Westminster, the logic behind this initiative is clear: "If people spend less on fried eggs, they'll save money for mortgages—we're promoting responsible breakfast choices."

Critics are calling this a crime against the British breakfast table, with egg-loving MPs reportedly staging silent protests by brandishing untouched full English breakfasts during parliamentary meetings. One MP was quoted saying, "If this isn't tyranny, I don't know what is. First petrol, now eggs!"

In response, the free market has adapted swiftly. Major supermarkets have announced a new line of "air-fried egg substitutes," made from 80% water, 20% mystery powder, and "a dash of despair." Meanwhile, TikTok influencers have taken to showcasing recipes for "egg-free scrambled eggs," which consist mainly of carrots and prayers.

The Prime Minister defended the policy, explaining, "This is about taking a carton-full of tough decisions. If people can survive on avocado toast, they can survive without sunny-side-ups." Public outrage boiled over (much like eggs in kettles) with petitions now circulating to make fried eggs a "protected national dish."

In unrelated news, the government's new housing plan involves relocating properties from London to Scotland, under a strategy they've named: "The Great House Migration."